is
often defined as the art of governing people.
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of
the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government
takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have
to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as
you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government
takes them and
puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They
are cared for by ex-chicken
farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the
government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much
milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both,
hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors
help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM (from the past): You have two cows.
You have to take care of them, but
the government takes all the milk.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes
both and shoots you.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government
fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes
both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors
decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your
neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give
you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached
for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them
sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government
regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays
you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other
and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms
accounting for the missing cows..
ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk
at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy
a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell
three of them to your publicly - listed company, using letters of credit
opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity
swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back,
with a tax deduction
for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows
are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all
seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that
the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you
kill the two cows because the fung
shiu is bad.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government
bans you from milking or killing them.
FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and
adopt a veal calf.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government
takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these
two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government
requires you to take harmonica lessons.
LIBERTARIANISM: You have two cows. One has actually
read the constitution, believes in it, and has some really good ideas about
government. The cow runs for office, and while most people agree that the
cow is the best candidate, nobody except the other cow votes for her because
they think it would be "throwing their vote away."
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